After about four and a half years in the swamp of dating apps for divorced people such as Tinder, OK Cupid, Baddoo & Co., I have a few insights from my personal experience.
I have to start by saying that I have great respect for the male sex but there are a few things that jump me in the face and I could get along better without them, and I’m sure like me, many others.
So, first of all, we start with the fact that somehow the online dating scene has become something very accessible and available to everyone, every day every hour.
I already had a free evening and found within a few minutes a date in my area that sometimes worked and sometimes did not.
If you are a man and you read this article, and you want to get out of this dating site, you first have to make a decision that you want a relationship.
You have to make a decision that you are willing to link and that you are willing to give up this eating buffet as you can without thinking that while you are spending time with someone who is pleasant to you, you may miss someone who is worth more.
This greed will only leave you alone in the end!
Sit with yourself and make an informed decision that if you start dating someone, it means that you put aside all of your movements, all the beginnings of the connections and are devoted to only one girl.
And yes, I understand that to start dating someone, you have to let go all your sex partners and all the other connections you had so far..
But the moment you set a date, you make a goof on the rest. Capish?
Mistakes on dating sites and dating apps that men do:
Let’s start with your profile on dating sites.
- Let us see your eyes. The pictures with the sunglasses will spare us. Your look is the one that tells us how serious you are, how good you are, how confident you are and how much we want to know you.
- Your photos with friends/females, especially pictures with women– already downgrade you a lot of points. We want to know that the man chosen is available and does not go wild from party to party as much as it may look cool.
- Your pictures with some celebrity – first of all, thank you for updating your musical taste and the genre you belong to, and cool you have a picture with celebs, but why the hell to put it on a dating site? It just shows how desperate you are to meet someone and think you are not good enough so you must draw attention with a picture of someone familiar. A little self-confidence and self-esteem. If I want to know you, it will not be because you are one of those who harasses the Selves and ask if you can have a selfie …
- Pictures of you with the divorcee or your ex – for some reason I come across many images of divorced men with their divorced women and sometimes even family photos. What I understand is that the person in front of me has no self-awareness and that he has not left his divorcee or ex-girlfriend behind.
- Photos of children – irrelevant. If you have a good picture of your kids and you want to convey the message that you are a devoted and involved father, then great. Even though we are looking to meet you and the children will come later.
- Your status – Write your status – single, divorced, married, widowed. Give us the basic respect of deciding whether it is right for us to get to know you. It’s a shame to spend your time and your time getting started just to realize you’re single or married and that’s not right.
- A relevant picture from the last month – Yes, we know that maybe 5 or 10 years ago you might look better, and that might convince us more to want to meet you, but if we get to a meeting and find that your hair has suddenly turned gray, gone or gone 10 kilos since the photo was taken or you look different Too much in reality because the picture is really asleep, we will just get upset and in most cases we want to end the meeting quickly and forget about you. So some basic respect. Let us see you as you are.
- Selfie is not a dirty word. You do not need a picture from a special trip, upload a simple basket in a T-shirt, with a light smile and a direct look. That’s all we need.
- Pictures of your precious vehicle, luxurious vehicle that you rented in the sand or your friend’s car – also irrelevant. Unless you’re looking for someone looking for a sponsor rather than true love. And among us, most intelligent women will think that a man who needs to brag in his car is a man who has to compensate for insecurity in certain areas.
- Be accurate and specific. You will save us and go for an unnecessary amount of time to be what you are looking for. Just write in a line and a half who you are, where, what you’re looking for, height, and let us decide if it’s appropriate.
If you’re looking for something that does not comitting – write it down. Looking for a non-binding relationship.
There are many women who are suitable for them, whether they have just finished a relationship recently or are still in the process of separation, do not be one of those maniacs chatting about the relationship and love when all you are looking for is a one night stand.
True, it reduces your options, but even true love can start from the stink when it’s the right person. Believe me, the headache from someone who has developed expectations for you will be worse.
- Height. It’s true that most of us do not mind going out with a short man but there are women that find the height of their partner as important . Especially if you are particularly low, then it is best to present all the facts in advance and let the girl decide whether it suits her or not.
- And anyway. Honesty is not a dirty word. I encounter a lot of men who try to beautify reality and present a different picture than what the situation is, so do not. Because once we find out you were not honest, chances are we’ll kick you out and get you off your back.
After you start talking.
- Do not be a stalker. We do not like it when a man we’ve just started talking to is immediately turns to us on Facebook and offers us friendsship. It’s like invading us into space before we decide whether it suits us. Give Space. Even if you saw our mutual friends, you would be a gentleman and let us think that you did not run to look for us on Facebook and that you have already been able to go through all our pictures. If we wish, we will suggest that you replace a Facebook account on our initiative.
- Do not bother and get too excited. Once you have decided to meet after a short or long conversation, give her space and keep all the long conversations to the meeting. Men who cover each hour with icons of kisses, hearts, and smiles before we meet, is a severe trainee. Be a man. A little mysterious.
- Sincerity. One of the most essential components. Do not try to be someone you are not because we are superior to it pretty quickly.
- Set a neutral place for the first date – a cafe, a bar, a beach and if you already have a beach then when the weather is comfortable and take care of a blanket and maybe a bottle of wine and a few snacks or sit at some beach bar. Do not suggest that she come to you or her home at the first meeting. It does not respect. And if she did, she resisted, accept her opposition and offer an honorable alternative to both of you.
If you live in the same area or have arranged to meet in her neighborhood for a first date, suggest that you pick her up from home. You do not have to be unique and original with the best restaurant or bar for the first date. Set up in a nice neighborhood cafe, because the goal here is to chat, get to know and check out the general chemistry.
- Setting expectations. I’m in favor of coordinating expectations already on the first phone call. Share what you expect from the introductions – to hang out, to hang out, to know, to expect something that will last with potential. Even if you’re looking for a fling, that’s fine. But check that your partner is interested because otherwise, she’ll understand that and just an evening burn that could have been invested in someone who has the same intentions as you.
- Cigarettes and smoking – if you smoke heavily and is not the opposite, talk about it in the first conversation. I can say from my experience, even when you have the chemistry and the greatest passion there is, the smell of an ashtray from the mouth is the most powerful turn off , or a person who goes to bed wrapped in cigarette smoke or goes out a second after sex to smoke and comes back smelly – it certainly made me end a few relationships . So a little advice, if you are not in the same status of smoking, spare yourself ..
- If you’ve determined that you’re picking her up somewhere, try to get there a few minutes early. If you see that for some reason you are late, be sure to let her know. You can say that a delay of up to 10 minutes is reasonable. I ran into men who were half an hour late and did not bother to update. This is disrespectful, especially if she is divorced and has arranged for a babysitter for a certain hour and she finds herself waiting …
- After the initial encounter – most people know whether there is an attraction to the other side or not. I always prefer to say a sentence like – so I like you? Which usually makes the other person feel embarrassed by my honesty, but this sentence leaves the other one an escape route if he does not feel attracted or if you feel that it is not that, you can say I’m sorry, but I do not feel like there’s a click here and we’d better finish the date. It would be better to have a moment of unpleasantness and end the date than a tedious evening with a man you know nothing is going to happen to.
- Do not bathe with the perfume, some women are sensitive to certain odors, and you may ruin your date if you choose to put too much unpleasant smell.
- Try to shower before the date and get organized. You do not need a tailored suit or pants, but a polo shirt or a t-shirt with jeans, depending on where you set them, can fit.
- In terms of shoes – no sandals or clogs. It takes us down. This can be left to the third or fourth date on the beach, but for the first date, you will arrive in order.
- I know it will sound a bit chauvinistic – but a man who offers to pay for a cup of coffee on a date is a man who is not stingy for us, which is one of the things we get the most from a man, and nothing will happen to us if you offer us 5-7$. Because you know that a man who stumbles on a cup of coffee on a first date will be stingy for other things, you do not have to go to an expensive restaurant. Go to a drink or a coffee, but on the first date, it will make us feel like a gentleman who respects. And Sawyer.
A normal woman would offer to pay the second or third on a date, and I am personally in favor of reciprocity.
- Icebreakers – If you are fresh in dating, you can think ahead of time about a list of topics to talk about, all kinds of “icebreakers” like conversations about work, trips to the sand, dreams, planning for the future, and if there are children, you can touch a little about this too.
- Talk about the ex, your awful divorce or someone you’ve been dating is a taran-of-war to let us know you’re on a date, but your head and heart are still with her. So it’s true that when two divorced couples meet, we talk about the background in general, but we can leave it at the level of generality. You might say, “You prefer not to develop this issue now.” Do not worry, there will be more opportunities to talk about it.
- Do not smoke like a locomotive on a date, it indicates discomfort and nervousness and stress.
- Do not lie about how much you smoke. I got to know men who said on the date they smoked “a cigarette a couple of days” and after a week it became 4-5 a day and then “a box a day because I’m going through a stressful period.” really. it will not work.
- Do not lie about which father you are. It’s true that you want to impress the date, but I got to know divorced men with children who claimed that they care about the children and they see them a lot but in practice I discovered that they hardly see them once a week out of choice, not because they can not but because they do not care (and when it comes to divorced women with children , Most of them prefer to go out with a man who cares about his children and a man who puts his children priority is what we prefer). Keep in mind that after a while we will see the truth as it is, so save us the stories. And regardless, if you have children, they deserve your priority.
- If you do not really want her to go on, and you see that she is interested and that there is potential for sex for the night – do not make her feel that you are interested only in getting sex and then throw it away. Try to think how it would feel if someone took advantage of you emotionally and sexually. In any case, there are very sensitive women who will take it hard. Try to state your intentions.
- If you get to her home and there’s a mess, keep your notes to yourself. It’s the most trean of marble and it’s none of your business as long as you do not live together.
- The same goes for criticism of her body or for that she needs to do sports or “have a more beautiful with a few pounds less.” That’s what’s cute.
If she has small children, you must understand that they are part of the package and that you may have limitations when it comes to meetings and availability on her part. If it does not suit you it’s okay, just do not let her be illusions about it.
- In general, when it comes to divorced women with young children, try to be fair and considerate. It’s hard enough for them anyway, and the last thing they need is another idiot looking for only sex (sorry but that’s true).
- Do not drink too much alcohol and then be drunk and horny and disrespectful, or suggest driving us home drunk. A little responsibility ..
- If you offer at the end of the evening to continue to you or her and she says no, respect. Do not try to persuade or apply pressure.
- Do not even think about offering to make out and have sex in the car at the end of the date. This is one of the most repulsive and disrespectful behaviors a man can do.
- Do not brag about how many women you have done, it will only make us understand how quickly we should end the date and return to the dating sites.
- Do not gossip about other people, especially if you have common acquaintances. It’s a tar-of-war and will make us realize that everything we have between us will get to other people quickly enough. No thanks.
- Do not talk about sex – if she’s looking for a serious relationship, talking about sex will probably scare her off. Unless you scheduled for a sex encaunter, but please, respect her.
- If at the end of the date she comes to your house and she does not have a car, do not take her out of bed in the middle of the night, or you will focus on the technical operation before me. And even if she is with a car and you see she is tired, do not send her home in such a situation. Even if you like to sleep alone, nothing will happen if you sleep together. Respect, respect, respect.
After the date
Whether you decide you want to continue or decide not to, send her a message in the morning of “Hey, I had a nice day yesterday and would be happy to meet again” or “Hey, I had a nice day yesterday, but I do not feel like it’s a success.”
If you decide not, update it and do not let it hang in the air.
For some reason, men in recent years have behaved with contempt and disrespect towards women. We got out of our time, got organized, went out, we heard, we met, maybe we did more of it at the end, but we can be human and respect.
And tell her you did not feel like it, and you do not feel like sending her a message, so when she sends, write to her that you’re apologizing, but that’s not right for you.
Just finish. It’s healthier for karma.
Try to be honest about your intentions, treat each other and be successful!
If you have any more comments or comments, please feel free to add comments below.